Sigh. Think. Exhale CO2. Type. Inhale. Exhale CO2. Type. Type. Exhale CO2. Lights on. Air-conditioning on due to 95 degree heat. Type. Type some more. Exhale CO2. Make a cup of tea, using water, using tea packet packaged in paper, using microwave oven. Think. Computer search pertinent subjects. Make some toast using bread, baked in ovens, wrapped in plastic bag, using electric toaster. Type. Exhale CO2. Type some more. Wipe hands with paper napkin so as to not mess up keyboard with buttery fingers. Inhale. Exhale more CO2. Think. Type some more.
How guilty are you for your nasty despicable carbon habits? You are sooooo bad. Even worse if you are a greedy (and especially American) user of energy. Ooooohhhhh, you are soooooo bad. Exhaling all that CO2. Having toast and tea on a hot summer day in air-conditioned bliss. You can't be worth your salt on the earth if you are using carbon based energy. Of course salt is bad, too, so that can't be worth much. All of your recycling efforts were not enough to satisfy 'their' desires for paradise. The trees you planted didn't get 'them' what 'they' wanted. The hybrid vehicle you bought did not buy you out of your guilt. You will pay for your terrible, most disgusting, evil, indiscretions. You are a plague upon the earth and 'they' will punish you for your evil ways. 'They' know you can't achieve carbon neutrality and still be alive. 'They' have figured you out, you selfish, undeserving, pimple on the planet. You are the cause of all that is bad.
'They,' who are so much smarter than you, have blitzkrieged the country with propaganda to mold your mushy minds and assure submission to their plans for you. 'They' are using the Churches to push their environmental agenda. 'They' have told your children how bad you are. 'They' have made your children believe that human beings are a scourge that must be reined into environmental submission so the Earth can survive. 'They' (Franklin Raines who scammed Fannie out of 90 million dollars while letting the company go broke) bought the patents for carbon tracking devices for your home using your tax dollars through Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. The President's cronies own the Chicago Carbon Exchange which is set to rake it in with carbon offset trading when cap and tax rules are in place. You know, the environmental shake-down money you will have to pay to use your toaster or heating your house. The same buddies are owners of Shore Bank in Chicago, where 'They' promote micro-lending to Kenyans, who can't pay back the loans, while the bank gets bailed out with your tax dollars.
'They' know who you are and where you live. They' will find you and make you suffer for wrecking their terrestrial utopia. 'They' are planning their revenge against you and you can't stop them. 'They' are taking every piece of land they can get their hands on through eminent domain, lands conservancies, greenways, and walking trails, so you will no longer despoil their Earthly perfection with your home or industry. (The Federal government already owns nearly 30% of all land in America.) If you can't stop yourself from driving your car, cooking in your kitchen, heating and cooling your home, exhaling CO2, then 'They' will charge you fees you can't afford. 'They' have set up unelected local authorities through the EPA who have no accountability to voters and who will decide who uses what resources to 'their' ends. To insure your submission and compliance with 'their' vision of utopia, 'they' will place Smart meters on your home, gps devices in your car, tax you for your non-compliant appliances, take away your incandescent lightbulbs, tax your airline flight, tax your tickets to entertainment venues, tax and cut your water usage, tax your hair-dresser, tax your nail salon, tax your local deli, tax your (exhale CO2) dry cleaner, anything that moves, or doesn't. 'Th(e)y' will be done on earth.
Think. Inhale. Type. Exhale CO2. Sigh.
Rogers Park Bench
Just for fun, below is a video of how carbon trading works. Unfortunately at the end you will see, these brilliant two young Brits who created the satire in the video evidently still think there is some stupid Global Warming problem, but I hope they will get their minds right on that as well. Aside from this, the video is terrific. Here is their clever website: CheatNeutral.com